I think of myself as quite an easy-going person, but sometimes you just have to draw the line. I mean, when your dear old mother yells up the stairs at you to tidy your stuff away because we have family coming round, you roll your eyes and finish up what you were doing - in this case, uploading photos to bebo. Then, the afore-mentioned mother yells at you again to get a move on.
"How thick can you get?!" I think were her exact words.
Fabulous, so now she's in a bad mood. So, with a resigned sigh, you head downstairs to tidy your room. Now, in your eyes, the mess isn't that bad. You have your suitcase open in the middle of your, albeit very small, bedroom and it is half-full of clothes from your holiday that you have yet to fully unpack from. So you ask your mother what exactly she wanted tidied up and she goes ballistic. Jeez, it was only a question!! By the end of her rant, you seem to have got the general idea that she wants your room spotless, why she wants this is beyond you. Honestly, when you can easily just shut the door over to stop anybody seeing the mess, having to tidy it all up is a tad extreme. So you very politely shut the door in her face and scoop up absolutely everything that she thinks is making a "mess". You dump it all in the suitcase that is conveniently lying in your room and shut it, with great difficulty. You then proceed to lug it up the stairs to the attic, where you dump it and run back downstairs.
"Oh, have you finally put away that empty suitcase then?" your mother asks.
"Umm...yep," you say, with a grin, hoping to wave off any further questions.
Your mother smiles, and then shuts your bedroom door. WHAT?! After making you clean your room, she then goes and SHUTS THE DOOR so nobody can see your hard work? Ohohoho, she's really annoyed you now. So you storm upstairs and go back online. 'Stupid woman,' you think.
A wee while later, after the family has arrived (the family consisting of your mother's parents and her auntie & uncle), you hear your mother hinting at you to come down stairs.
"So where is Caitlin, then?" you hear one of the ancients saying.
"Oh, I think she's upstairs," replies your mother, "Probably sulking, as per usual."
You hear a little giggle, so you yell, "I am NOT sulking!" Then, realising how bad that would have sounded, you quickly add, "I'm socialising." Referring of course to talking to your friends through MSN. You hear one of the ancients snicker and say, "In my day, socialising was when you went out to a park and actually talked to people, not this mindless "Facespacing", or whatever it's called."
You hear the dull sounds of ancients agreeing and then you zone out. Honestly, you have better things to do than listen to ancients recounting the tales of their youth. You have a quiet snigger to yourself at the word "Facespacing". Clearly, the ancient had picked up the words "Facebook" and "MySpace" and had succeeded in combining the two of them into this hideous concoction that is "Facespacing".
Your mother calls up the stairs and asks if you are alright as it sounds as if you are being strangled. You immediately stop sniggering and scowl and say that yes, you are perfectly fine, thank you very much. You hear some more dark mutterings but decide not to enquire; chances are you don't want to know what she is saying.
After another while, the unmistakable tones of your grandfather sound. He appears to be talking to you younger sister.
"You certainly seem to have put on a few ounces over the summer, Anne," he says, completely unaware at what he is doing, "You seem much rounder than you did before the holidays started..."
You burst out laughing, and hear your little sister storming out of the living room, but you continue in your hysterics. Eventually, you gain enough control to listen to what’s going on.
"I didn't say she was chubby!" you hear your grandfather protesting.
"You said she was round!" your mother hisses, "That's the last three years down the drain, that is! We have all been telling her that her body is just fine-" you snigger at this bit, as you clearly HAVEN'T been telling her this, "And you go and put your foot in it like that!"
You can practically hear the death glares being sent across the room. Being the delightful daughter that you are, you decide that this is the perfect moment to grace them with your presence. You go as quietly as humanely possible down the stairs and burst into the living room, all smiles.
"Wow, who died?" you ask, feeling the tension in the room. Then you life in spite of yourself, as the ancients are all well past their sell-by date. Well, okay, their all 60+. Hardly at the top of their game, so to speak.
"Caitlin, why don't you put the kettle on? I'm sure everyone is dying for a cuppa," your father says, eyeing your mother carefully.
"Actually, we better be going," says your grandmother, “It was lovely seeing you!"
And then, at a speed you never thought possible for the ancients, they all practically sprint out of the house and are in their car before you can say 'Zimmer frame'.
"Well, that wasn't nice manners," you say, smiling sweetly, "Now, about that cuppa..."
"Caitlin, leave, now." your mother says through clenched teeth.
You shrug your shoulders and go back upstairs. Once you’re safely there, your burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and it keeps on going until your ribs hurt.
Despite how much they annoy you, family's can certainly have their perks. Or at least, provide amusement for you.
Dear God, this afternoon was the funniest family gathering we've had in a while. Maybe we should have them more often?!
*grins evilly*
And if you think I was exaggerating as I wrote this, I assure you, my family rarely needs exaggerating. They do exactly what they say on the tin xD
